At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
