dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
