Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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