did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
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