if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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