I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
