We won't sleep together?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
