party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
The best revenge is premature balding
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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