yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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