this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
