just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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