When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
