I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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