Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
