Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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