I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
