Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
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I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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