So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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