Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
