my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
