If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
