I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
