you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
