I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
