so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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