i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
