There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
