What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
