he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
