She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
