i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
