1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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