We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
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You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
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Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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