i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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