I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
