I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
