Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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