ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
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