Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
