your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
