You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
