I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
