All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
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