1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
