Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm both gender and math confused
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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