i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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