i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
