I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
