remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
