I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
