I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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