And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
