in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Couch. On fire.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
