to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
