I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
