My room smells like vodka and shame
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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