Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize