he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
