11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
