ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
