You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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