i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I AM VODKA MAN
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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