I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
