I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
