Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
