K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
