I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
