he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
