Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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