you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
