Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
