Your face is a jimmy john
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We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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