my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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