and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
