Can i not drive my cunt home
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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